pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
