I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
