Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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