true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
