I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
