I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize