The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
