6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
