in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
