I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
