omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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