Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize