My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
