so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
