i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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