East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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