I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize