And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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