How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
