I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
