You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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