I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
