I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
