I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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