New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
