wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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