Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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