Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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