she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
