I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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