Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
