did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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