The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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