Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
