just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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