he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
