I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
