So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
