I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
