I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
