I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
