i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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