i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
