I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
