can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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