She said her name was "party"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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