Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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