while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
