so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
whose parrot is this?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
