I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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