I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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