but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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