The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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