idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
