Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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