Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
