I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
