Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
