Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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