Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
