whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize