On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
zippers are such a cool invention
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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