i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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