ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
