I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
