I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
