If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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