loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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