Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just want nice things and good sex
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
