i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
