So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
