I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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