we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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