Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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