My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
