Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
