oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My feet surprised me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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